I wrote a post about fear earlier but now a new fear has entered my life.
I need to have surgery in a couple of weeks.
There’s this tumor inside of me. It’s been growing in there, it hurts that’s how they discovered it. It needs to be taken out and that’s why I need surgery.
It isn’t an malignant one…but it’s freaking me out. I’m scared. Worried.
I hate hospitals, and I’ll have to stay there for at least five days.
I’m sure It’ll be fine, but I’m still scared.
I’ll get back to the 30 Day posts, I won’t have anything but time since I’ll be off from work for at least a month now.
In my mind there’s different kinds of attraction when it comes to love;
- Purely superficial, phsycial attraction.
- Emotional attraction.
- A combination of the two.
The first one is often (to me) a very short termed attraction, it doesn’t always last. One example immediatley comes to mind;
It was a couple of summers ago I was out and about bar-hopping when I saw this guy. It was mindblowing. Today I can’t for the life of me remember exactly what he looked like but to the ca. 19-year old me he was basically a God. I remember the feeling I experienced when we locked eyes; it was this pure, take-your-breath-away moment, and to that day I had never experienced something so strong. He had brown eyes, something I’ve always had a soft spot for and he just oozed masculinity and, it’s so hard to describe that feeling of your mind going comepletely blank. In a way I remember feeling scared, because I knew that whatever he asked of me; I wouldn’t be able to say no.
But, it faded, it’s amazing that something that literally blew my mind in one second just evaporated the next. Superficial, not even meaningful but an experience that I’ll never forget I had.
The second one is something that usually brews over time. You can’t be emotionally attracted, in my opinion, to someone you’ve just met. You have to get to know the person for real and just connect in a way.
I’ve experienced connection with someone immediatly, but also a connection that grew over time.
The last one is the most important one, it’s what me and The Man have. When we first met it wasn’t one of those take-my-breath-away moments instantly but something drew me to him. I’m not sure if it was something in his eyes, or his smile but something made me go talk to him. Over time we’ve realized how similar and at the same time different we are. I’ve never experienced such an intimate attraction/connection that we have, it’s something that has come over time. It’s an attraction on so many levels that I can’t even begin to describe it…and even if 21 year old me didn’t realize it back then, present me knows that he is the love of my life.
Oh…what wouldn’t I do if I won the lottery?
- First off I would buy my Dream House. That’s something that I’m currently dreaming of so that’s definitley a first.
- Travel. Don’t care where, I would just pack my bags, grab The Man and leave somewhere far away from here. Preferebly somewhere warm.
- I would get my friends and family gifts or perhaps splurge on a weekend away for a selected friends and/or family. Just enjoy eachother and have some time together and don’t have to worry about what it costs.
- Get married. Have the dream wedding. Fly everyone I wan’t there for that speciel day to Mexico(or someplace equally beautiful) and get married on the beach. That’s the dream.
- The small materialist that lives somewher deep within me would like to add a Michael Kors watch/bag and something from Vivienne Westwoods collection.
- Dream Car. I would get a black 1967 Chevy Impala. That’s my absolute dream car! It’s such a beautiful car and yeah, it’s Dean Winchester’s Car…come on, which Supernatural Fan doesn’t want that car?
And…I guess that’s it. That’s all I can come up with at the moment.
My worst habits are probably;
- If I’m watching a movie/TV-show or something I simply don’t listen if your trying to talk to me, it’s nearly impossible to get me to focus then.
- I am a terrible procastinator.
- I sometimes suffer from “foot-in-mouth.syndrome”. Not thinking before you speak sometimes puts you in a very akward situation…
- smoking, something that i’m trying to stop doing.
- I’m not really a bad eater but some periods I stuff alot of empty calories, sugar and well honestly utter sh*t into my body, so I guess that is sort of a bad habit.
I can’t really think of any other bad-habits at the moment, so this will have to do :-)
Like there’s all kinds of happiness there’s alot of different kinds of sadness. Things that makes me sad are;
- Sad endings in movies/books
- Poorly written things
There’s a lot of things that makes me sad, angry and irritated, too many things and I shall not list them all here.
So it might be a bit silly, but I’m addicted to Modern Family right now. I just love the dynamic between Jay Pritchett and his extended family. And it’s great that the show has so different kinds of families, since I personally think you can’t really say that there’s is a “typical” family anymore.
So not much writing has been going on because I’ve been having a small MF-Marathon the past week.
I’ll try to continue the 30 Days Challenge asap though, I will not quit it!
There’s a lot of different kinds of happiness and I’ve chosen to list various things that make me smiley and in a good mood.
- The Man
- My Friends
- A really good book or movie
- My favorite song at the moment.
- A really well made cup of coffee
- The first day when it’s warm enough to walk barefoot.
- Being at sea.
It’s the smaller and bigger things in life that makes us happy. We should take advantage and care of those moments. So be happy people!
(Here’s some Borrowed(!) pictures that makes me smile :-D)